One of the first acquaintances I made when I moved to a new city after college was a guy who worked (and still works) in the same industry as I do. We hit it off as friends immediately – he’s snarky, funny, smart, and loves restaurants (a huge plus) AND cooking (an even huger plus, considering that my cooking abilities hover somewhere between “can boil water” and “might burn apartment down if left alone with said boiling water for too long”).

We were friends for our early years of climbing the job ladder, dating and/or crushing on other people but always in touch. I knew most of my girlfriends thought he was a bit of a jerk, but who cared – they didn’t have to be friends with him! However, one of my guy friends dubbed him “The Jackal,” for reasons I have long-forgot but (in the wake of our breakup) I found incredibly apt, so that’s how we will discuss him here.

When I was dating Luke (that story to come) I started to realize The Jackal was interested in moving past the friend zone, and shortly after a brief period of dating another Guy I(‘m Glad I) Didn’t Marry (that story may never come only because I’m not sure how to make it hilarious rather than horrifying) The Jackal and I got together. It was 4th of July, there were fireworks, it was all very romantic.

Unfortunately, romantic moments were few and far between with The Jackal. As our months of dating went on, it became clear that Jacky Boy really wanted a girlfriend so he could fit in with his best friend Hayes, a prep school-educated cad who had recently focused his oft-wandering eye on the lovely Audrey. However, didn’t I kind of want a boyfriend for the same reason? I’d quickly realized – in the wake of the Luke break-up – that when you lose a boyfriend, you lose the ability to double date. I missed double dating.  I currently miss double dating.  WHY WILL NO ONE GO OUT WITH MY IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND AND ME? (Yes, I am willing to feign mental illness to get a good double date on the books.  I know…)

So The Jackal and I became a pair and my long-suffering friends (and their boyfriends and husbands) double dated with us (and then complained later about every Jackaly thing The Jackal had done).  I shrugged it off – we had fun (even if he didn’t want me to sleep over on weeknights) with our kind of mean inside jokes and our double dates with Hayes and Audrey.

The Jackal deserves credit on these pages, however, for his utter support when two close friends unexpectedly passed away.  We got the news when about to walk into dinner with one of my closest friends and her then-boyfriend (now husband) and while The Jackal certainly did not turn out to be my knight in shining armor he definitely was for me that night.  (Jackal, if you ever read this, thanks and sorry for the general character assassination…)

The Jackal deserves ZERO credit, however, for the way he broke up with me.  I was being sent off halfway around the world for an almost-month-long work trip and had a weird feeling that he might break up with me right before I left.  He didn’t, and I chalked my feeling up to insecurity and nerves about leaving town for so long.  However, when he sent me a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day (while I was gone) and the card said (as I recall) “From, Jackal” rather than “love” (I wasn’t expecting an “I love you,” but signing a card “love” is kind of different, right?) or even “miss you” I was like “yup, I’m getting dumped.”

Despite having this sixth sense that I was about to get kicked to the curb I remained faithful to The Jackal, spurning the advances of a very handsome and persistent foreign suitor.

The night I returned home, The Jackal suggested we go to dinner with Hayes and Audrey, and I figured that I was again being a paranoid person.  Hours later, however, he canceled the group dinner and said “why don’t you just come over?”  Yes, Jess, why don’t YOU, after getting off a 16 hour flight, come over to my Jackally house (where parking is impossible and he was never chivalrous enough to let me park in his assigned parking spot) so I can DUMP YOUR ASS.  Why oh fucking why didn’t I at least hook up with the cute foreigner?

I called his bluff and told him to come to my place.  He did, I got dumped, I went to the restaurant down the street and ate my feelings, the end.

Well, not totally the end.  Hayes and Audrey remained my close friends (and his) and got married about a year later.  Look out for my rendezvous with His Jackalness in a later post…and no, it’s not what you think…